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The Ballad of Blockader Bill By Colin Paul Gibson, unpublished.

At school they taught us history till our minds they overflowed   But they never told us about Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the road.   The forest of Cape Tribulation is the setting for this ode That’s dedicated to Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the road.   When he heard they were quarrying Emmagen Creek, old Bill he did explode… “Enough is enough” he declared, “I’m going to chain my balls to the rrroad!   Those mongrels will stop at nuttin’, no dammagin’ Emmagen” he crowed… There is only one thing that can be done: I must chain my balls to the rrroad!”   Then he took a long drag on his white ox, and that night the monkeys’ blood flowed - His dutch was all courage and valour whenever he went into blockader mode.   So they hacked out a hole with a mattock and poured in a concrete load; Bill wore a sarong (the gentleman he was) so none of his private parts showed.   He was risking getting runover – squashed like an old cane toad, Oh no one was braver than Blockader Bill when he chained his balls to the road!    The bus driver slammed on the anchors, exclaiming “Well I’ll be blowed… What kind of a crazy sonofabitch would chain his balls to the road!”   Then up drove Sergeant Turner: “Bill! I might have knowed… Nobody else would be twisted enough to chain their balls to the road.   You’ve gone too far!” said the sergeant, as back and forth he strode, Just wait till Backhoe Joh finds out you’ve chained your balls to the road!”   Then out they brought the crowbar and the pick with which they hoed Into the dirt until they’d dug the concrete from the road.   They bundled him into a wagon, and tore off down the road With the chain and a block of concrete still connected to his node.   The magistrate scowled “Blockader Bill, the gaol will be your abode, A fig for the forest for all I care but how dare you damage that road;   You must show some respect for the letters of law ‘stead of mocking its every code, Take him away to the lock-up!” No mercy to Bill was showed.   But now Emmagen’s saved from destruction; society’s debt will be owed Forever to the likes of Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the road.